Monday, December 29, 2008
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Jewish Christmas.
My wife Keppie is Jewish and has just finished teaching my family and I about the ritual of Chanukah.
She taught us about the rededication of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem and the martyrdom of Hannah. She ranted about the nine branches of the Menorah and then divined my fortune from the intestines of a child by the light of a burning cross. It was very educational.
She taught us about the rededication of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem and the martyrdom of Hannah. She ranted about the nine branches of the Menorah and then divined my fortune from the intestines of a child by the light of a burning cross. It was very educational.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Michael Bolton is My Hero
Two women were sitting behind us on the Fung Wah bus - the notorious road-mule that endlessly carts people between Boston and New York. Their conversation started out awkward and amicable. And after a few minutes got interesting...
"So what kind of work do you do?"
"Well, I love combining fundraising for charitable causes with celebrities. You know, I think combining those two things is just fantastic."
"Wow, that sounds like good work"
"Oh, I don't actually DO that, but I'd like to. Although I've been to a few fundraisers. And actually met Michael Bolton twice. Do you know who Michael Bolton is?"
"No..."
"Oh he is just the best. He is by far my hero. He is SUCH a great guy. He wanted to use his fame for good. He was looking for a cause to support and decided it should be victims of domestic violence."
...pauses for a moment filled with sweet nostalgia...Continues:
"...yes, he actually WENT to visit not one but TWO women's shelters. He just so quickly became my hero. And I swear to god, he would just beat the crap out of anyone who ever tried to hit a woman. Oh! And children! He just LOVES children! Oh man, if anyone tried to hit a kid, I actually HEARD him say, he said, 'Just let 'em try. They'd have to get past me first.' "
Pauses for justified moment.
"Yeah, Michael Bolton is DEFINITELY my hero. Oh yeah, and one time Joe Torre was there too. You know who Joe Torre is, right?"
"Ah, I think I've heard of..."
"Oh man, yeah. So Michael Bolton was like, 'I just hate to see anyone get hit. But especially women and children.' And Joe Torre stood up, and was like "Me too! Me too!". It was amazing. Michael Bolton is my hero. Oh and his mother is just the nicest..."
They stopped talking after another few minutes. Unfortunately.
"So what kind of work do you do?"
"Well, I love combining fundraising for charitable causes with celebrities. You know, I think combining those two things is just fantastic."
"Wow, that sounds like good work"
"Oh, I don't actually DO that, but I'd like to. Although I've been to a few fundraisers. And actually met Michael Bolton twice. Do you know who Michael Bolton is?"
"No..."
"Oh he is just the best. He is by far my hero. He is SUCH a great guy. He wanted to use his fame for good. He was looking for a cause to support and decided it should be victims of domestic violence."
...pauses for a moment filled with sweet nostalgia...Continues:
"...yes, he actually WENT to visit not one but TWO women's shelters. He just so quickly became my hero. And I swear to god, he would just beat the crap out of anyone who ever tried to hit a woman. Oh! And children! He just LOVES children! Oh man, if anyone tried to hit a kid, I actually HEARD him say, he said, 'Just let 'em try. They'd have to get past me first.' "
Pauses for justified moment.
"Yeah, Michael Bolton is DEFINITELY my hero. Oh yeah, and one time Joe Torre was there too. You know who Joe Torre is, right?"
"Ah, I think I've heard of..."
"Oh man, yeah. So Michael Bolton was like, 'I just hate to see anyone get hit. But especially women and children.' And Joe Torre stood up, and was like "Me too! Me too!". It was amazing. Michael Bolton is my hero. Oh and his mother is just the nicest..."
They stopped talking after another few minutes. Unfortunately.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Sexy
My wife and I have recently been practicing a form of asphyxiation in which,
mid coitus, we pause to run naked through the house looking for remote
places to hide one anothers inhalers.
mid coitus, we pause to run naked through the house looking for remote
places to hide one anothers inhalers.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
10 questions to ask the participants of a mustache competition;
What is your mustache's name?
How old is your mustache?
In human years or mustache years?
If your mustache was traveling at 12 miles per hour in a vacuum in space,
how much time would it take to eat a hot dog?
If your mustache was taking a short course at an adult education center,
what would it be?
Excuse me, mustache?
Hey mustache, are you free on Friday night? We are going out to eat ice
cream!
if your mustache could be any ice cream flavor, how would it resolve the
Israeli-Palestinian conflict?
your mustache could converse with anyone, alive or dead, and it would
choose Pee Wee Herman?
If your mustache could defy gravity, what's to stop it betraying you?
How old is your mustache?
In human years or mustache years?
If your mustache was traveling at 12 miles per hour in a vacuum in space,
how much time would it take to eat a hot dog?
If your mustache was taking a short course at an adult education center,
what would it be?
Excuse me, mustache?
Hey mustache, are you free on Friday night? We are going out to eat ice
cream!
if your mustache could be any ice cream flavor, how would it resolve the
Israeli-Palestinian conflict?
your mustache could converse with anyone, alive or dead, and it would
choose Pee Wee Herman?
If your mustache could defy gravity, what's to stop it betraying you?
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